Can I Tell My Therapist I Cosleep? What Every Bedsharing Mom Needs to Know
Takeaway: You will not get reported to CPS for safely cosleeping—and you deserve a therapist who supports your parenting choices. As a maternal mental health therapist, I support moms who sleep train, cosleep, or find their own in-between. I believe every mom deserves education, not judgment. That’s why I give every client Cosleepy’s Safe Bedsharing Guide—it’s a must-read. If you’re hiding your truth out of fear or shame, let’s talk about how to change that.
You're Not the Only One Cosleeping—Even If It Feels That Way
So you decided not to sleep train. Or maybe you tried it, and it didn’t work for your baby (or for you). I’ve been there—and I want to get personal for a moment.
When I was pregnant, I followed all the traditional advice about baby sleep. I read the books, followed the sleep training accounts, and set up the bassinet right next to our bed with full confidence. I thought I’d be one of those well-rested moms we all see in Instagram reels. I had heard of bedsharing and cosleeping, but I thought it was more of a “hippie” thing—something other moms did, not me.
Then the four-month sleep regression hit. My son would only sleep in my arms, on my chest, or in the Ergo. One night I stayed up holding him, trying not to fall asleep—until I did. I woke up six hours later, and he was still curled up peacefully on my chest. It was the most rest I’d had in weeks. In that moment, I decided to bedshare.
Why So Many Moms Are Afraid to Talk About Cosleeping in Therapy
I wrote this blog after reading a heartbreaking thread in a local parenting group. A mom said she was afraid to tell her therapist that she had given up on sleep training and was now bedsharing. Commenters warned that she could be reported to CPS. Some even said she might lose custody.
Let me be crystal clear:
You will not lose custody of your child for safely cosleeping.
And a competent, compassionate therapist will not report you for bedsharing.
These fears are rooted in misinformation—and in a culture that often shames moms for doing anything outside the dominant parenting narrative.
Why Sleep Training Feels Like the "Only" Option in the U.S.
In the United States, sleep training is widely promoted as the norm. But in other parts of the world—like the U.K., Korea, and Japan—cosleeping is common, openly discussed, and often taught as a safe option. In fact, many languages don’t even have a separate word for cosleeping. It’s just…sleeping.
But here, many medical providers and even some therapists haven’t been trained in the realities of bedsharing or how to support families who choose it. That’s why so many moms end up feeling silenced—or worse, shamed.
The Reality: Most Families Cosleep at Least Sometimes
In the United States, bedsharing is more common than people realize—even if it’s not always talked about openly.
A 2013 study found that approximately 13% of U.S. caregivers reported at least occasional bedsharing (Mindell et al., 2010). But this number is probably higher, since there’s so much shame around choosing not to encourage independent sleep.
In Switzerland, a longitudinal study showed that 44% of families bedshared at least once per week, with the highest prevalence—38%—occurring when children were around 4 years old (Jenni et al., 2005).
In my own therapy work, I’ve found that most moms bedshare at least occasionally—but they don’t tell me until I tell them I did, too. Once they know they’re safe to talk about it, the truth comes pouring out.
I Support Moms Who Cosleep and Moms Who Sleep Train
Let me be clear: I’m not anti-sleep training. Some families love it, and it works for them. I support those moms fully.
But I also support the moms who decide not to sleep train—and the moms who bedshare to survive the night, protect their mental health, or simply because it feels right for their family.
That’s why education matters more than judgment. And why I give every single pregnant woman or mom a copy of Cosleepy's Safe Bedsharing Guide. It’s a resource I trust, created by Tiffany Belanger, and I believe it should be required reading for every parent—no matter which sleep path they choose.
Therapy Should Be a Place You Can Tell the Whole Truth
Here’s the thing: therapy only works when you can be honest.
If you’re hiding your truth—like the fact that your baby sleeps in your bed—you’re carrying that emotional weight alone. And that silence can lead to shame, anxiety, and depression.
Talking to a therapist who understands the realities of motherhood is a game-changer. Whether you’re bedsharing because it’s a philosophy or because it’s survival mode, it matters. It’s part of your story, and it deserves space.
What If a Therapist or Pediatrician Judges You?
If a therapist or doctor shames you for bedsharing, it’s a red flag.
Even if they disagree with your choice, they should approach you with respect, evidence-based information, and compassion. If they don’t, you’re allowed to switch providers.
Here’s how:
Find a new therapist or pediatrician who supports your values.
Book your first appointment.
Then cancel your old one—no explanation required. A simple, “I’ve decided to transfer care to another provider” is enough.
You deserve to be treated with dignity, always.
You’re Not a Failure for Cosleeping
You’re not failing because your baby doesn’t sleep through the night.
You’re not failing because sleep training didn’t work.
You’re not failing for doing what you need to get rest.
The myth of the unicorn baby who sleeps 12 hours alone in a crib? It’s just that—a myth. Many sleep-training families have to redo the process again and again. Many eventually end up bedsharing, too. They just don’t post about it.
The Shame Around Bedsharing Hurts Moms—and Their Mental Health
When moms feel like they have to hide how their family sleeps, it creates shame. And shame is heavy. It’s isolating. It’s not just “I’m doing something wrong,” it’s “I am wrong.” That kind of thinking can sneak in quietly, especially when we’re sleep-deprived, anxious, or constantly comparing ourselves to others.
You might be feeling shame if you:
Avoid talking to your pediatrician or therapist about where your baby sleeps
Think you're a “bad mom” for not following the mainstream advice
Hide your sleep choices from friends or family
Feel like you're the only one who couldn't “make sleep training work”
I’ve worked with so many moms who quietly wonder if they’ve failed because sleep isn’t easy—and I want you to know this:
You are not failing. You are making the best decisions you can with the information, support, and sleep you have.
Shame thrives in secrecy. It grows when we keep things hidden, especially in a culture that tells moms there’s only one “right” way to parent. But shame begins to shrink the moment we speak our truth in a safe space.
Therapy gives you that space. You don’t have to explain or justify your parenting choices to me. You just get to be honest—and heard.
Healing Starts with One Safe Conversation
IIf you’ve been afraid to tell anyone you bedshare, start by telling someone safe. That might be a friend, a fellow mom, a support group, or a therapist who gets the real, messy parts of motherhood.
Safe people usually:
Listen without judgment
Respect your choices
Don’t rush to fix or advise
Want to understand, not judge
And here’s the thing: cosleeping is so common that once you share your truth, you often hear a “me too.” It’s rare for a family to never cosleep at some point—and opening up can be the first step in feeling less alone.
Therapy for Washington Moms Who Cosleep (or Don’t)
Baby sleep is one of the biggest triggers for a mom’s mental health. There’s so much pressure to “get it right” that it can feel like you’re failing while simply trying to figure out what works for your family. That pressure—combined with exhaustion—can lead to guilt, shame, anxiety, and overwhelm.
You don’t have to navigate that alone.
I’m a postpartum therapist for WA moms who are figuring things out in real time, often without the support they need. Whether you're cosleeping, sleep training, or somewhere in between, your choices are valid. Therapy can help you feel grounded, supported, and confident in your approach—without shame.
Nurturing the Sisterhood is my virtual therapy practice supporting women across Washington. We work exclusively with those in the messy middle of trying to conceive, pregnancy, postpartum, and early motherhood. Learn more about our practice here.
Schedule your free intro call if you're a mom in Seattle, Bellevue, Bainbridge Island, Kitsap County, or anywhere across Washington State. No pressure—just a chance to connect and ask questions.
You deserve support from a therapist who truly gets where you are. I’m here for you when you’re ready.
THROUGH THICK AND THIN, THE NEWSLETTER FOR MOMSJoin the Sisterhood!
Once a month I’m in your inbox with perinatal mental health info, women’s support group offerings, and interviews with perinatal providers who support Washington women who are in the messy middle of the infertility-pregnancy-postpartum-and-early-motherhood stages of life.
