Perfectionism and Postpartum Anxiety: Why Letting Go of Your High Standards Feels so Uncomfortable
Post updated 8/04/2026
Takeaway: Seattle postpartum therapist Dr. Julie Franks helps us understand what perfectionism is, how perfectionism relates to postpartum anxiety, and explains why letting go of perfectionism in motherhood is so important.
How Does Perfectionism Show Up for New Moms?
Perfectionism shows up in different ways for everyone. In motherhood, it starts with setting high expectations and standards for ourselves. We start comparing ourselves to something or someone else about our parenting choices. This creates an idea of what we “should be” doing as moms.
Here are some examples of perfectionism at work as a mom (some of these might surprise you!):
Feeling an intense pressure to get everything right
Having excessively high standards for yourself
Criticizing yourself when you don’t meet your high standards
Not taking risks or trying new things
Only sticking to doing things you know you’re good at
Overanalyzing situations and being hard on ourselves
Ruminating on situations and criticizing our part in them
Have you ever experienced any of these? I think we ALL have at some point. Perfectionism shows up in so many different ways, especially for moms. But why is it taken to the extreme when navigating motherhood? Let’s unpack that.
The Root Cause of Perfectionism in Motherhood
So, who is putting all this pressure on moms to be perfect? At our core, we want to be seen as “good moms.” We don’t want to fail or seem like we don’t know how to parent properly. We want the best for our kids and describe motherhood as being the most meaningful and fulfilling thing we’ve ever done. That’s where that drive to do things 100% perfect ALL of the time stems from.
Beyond our internal pressures, there are always societal pressures that continue to reinforce that cycle of perfectionism. For some reason, society has a lot to say about parenting (and we’re not sure why we keep listening to society, what do they know?!). If your child is misbehaving in public, this is a reflection on you. You must not have raised them properly. (I’m sorry, but has anyone ever met a toddler before? Tantrums happen all of the time!).
We tend to internalize these societal pressures and feel the judgment from everyone around us, leading us to the impossible feat of trying to be the perfect mom 24/7 (enter the perfectionism trap!).
The Problem with the Perfectionism Trap
When moms go down that path of perfectionism and get praise for doing so well, the endless cycle starts—the praise feels GOOD, and we want to get more of that validation. The issue here is it’s totally unsustainable. It’s impossible to be perfect all of the time. Perfectionism is the enemy of progress (we need to make mistakes in order to learn and grow!).
Perfectionism stops feeling good when:
It steals your self-compassion and self-esteem with unrealistic standards for yourself.
It’s a symptom of high-functioning anxiety driven by fear of failure and loss of control.
It limits our freedom, creativity, and uniqueness (these things are what make you, YOU!).
It makes us feel stuck and unfulfilled not having an identity outside of being a mom.
It leads to burnout as you try to keep up with all of the demands of being perfect.
This is the ultimate “aha!” moment when moms realize all of these feelings stem from the perfectionism trap. Now it’s time to escape the cycle for good!
Why It’s Crucial to Learn How To Let Go of Perfectionism
Ok mama, let’s do this! You’re ready to stop trying to be perfect all of the time. But you might be apprehensive to let go and relax those high standards for yourself.
When you let go of perfection, you’ll gain so much more:
A sense of relief when you take the pressure off yourself
An easier time with motherhood when not striving for perfection
Free time and space for things you value, like connection and creativity
Self-compassion and understanding instead of being self-critical
Being more present and engaged rather than distracted with perfection
Growth by taking risks and trying new and challenging things
Kids who are better prepared with more realistic expectations, seeing that mistakes happen
Finally breaking free from the cycle of perfectionism is incredibly liberating! It lets you live your life more authentically and relieves yourself of the weight of those unrealistic expectations. It's time to do motherhood the way YOU want, without the restrictions of perfectionism.
Start Healing With Nurturing the Sisterhood: Postpartum Anxiety Therapy for Seattle and Bellevue Moms
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and struggling with perfectionism as a new mom, I want you to know that this isn’t your fault. You’re going through something that so many moms experience, even if they aren’t openly talking about it. You deserve support, and women who access support often feel better quickly.
If you’re in the Greater Seattle area, Bellevue, or Kitsap County and looking for a therapist who truly understands what you’re going through as a new mom, I’d love to connect. I provide online therapy for moms across Washington State, including Bainbridge Island, Seattle, Bellevue, and surrounding areas.
Get in touch to schedule your free intro call and learn more about postpartum therapy with me. I’m here when you’re ready.
Meet Dr. Julie, Founder of Nurturing the SisterhoodHi, I’m Dr. Julie.
I’m a postpartum anxiety therapist for Seattle, Bellevue, and Kitsap moms, and the founder of Nurturing the Sisterhood..
I believe that all women need and deserve support, which is why I write this blog—to help create the village every Washington woman going through a fertility journey deserves. If you’re looking for personalized mental health support, check out my therapy services to learn how I can help you feel supported as you navigate the hard parts of motherhood.
LEARN MORE ABOUT THERAPY FOR POSTPARTUM ANXIETY →