7 Completely BS Judgments that Hurt New Moms and How to Cope
Updated 8/4/2026
Takeaway: For new moms, the most ordinary choices seem to invite judgment. In this post, Seattle postpartum therapist Dr. Julie Franks explains the COMPLETELY BS judgments she most often sees women struggle with, explains why these judgments hurt, and shares tips to help you feel okay when you’re being criticized.
Something I’m often asked as a postpartum therapist for moms is, “Am I overreacting or was this person out of line when they said this to me?”.
In my informed opinion, being judged for your parenting choices or your child’s behavior is NOT okay. You are not overreacting.
And although it can be difficult to lean into the idea that the unsolicited feedback you got was not okay and the tough feelings that go along with it, it’s important to trust your intuition. Your negative feelings make sense. You are a mom, but you’re also a human being who is impacted by the unkind words of others.
I want you to know that this judgment is not okay. In fact, it’s complete and utter BS.
As mothers, we each have a different level of tolerance for the judgments we get as we do the best we can to care for our child’s needs. While one mother can brush it off like it’s nothing, another mother is gutted at her core. But something we all have in common is that we experience hurt and bewilderment.
The 7 Types of Judgments that Hurt New Moms
#1 Where Your Baby Naps and Sleeps at Night
You will hear a lot of seasoned parents talk about the way their baby slept, why their way of doing things was the best way, and how they did it. This may cause you to doubt your plan but don’t let it. Every single child’s sleep is unique. Whether you are contact sleeping, bed sharing, crib sleeping, or some combination, it’s okay. Your child’s needs are special to your child, and your job as the parent is to do the best you can to meet those needs.
#2 The Way You Try to Find a Work-Life-Home Balance
Every mother goes through a transition period as she tries to figure out the new normal of life with a new baby. The way your child fits into your family’s work-home-life schedule will be unique. Some mothers make very little change to their work routines, others choose to stop work and become full-time caregivers for their child, while others yet downshift or re-negotiate their responsibilities outside of the household. The choices that are available to your family depend on many factors including your financial situation, your support network, the type of career you hold, your mental + physical health, and other factors that an outsider is not privy to. As you go through the learning curve of this transition, it’s best to focus on your family’s needs.
#3 Whether Your Body “Bounces Back” From Pregnancy
For some reason, people are very focused on commenting and critiquing the bodies of new mothers. Whether the comments about your body are positive or negative, they are unwelcome. Feeling comfortable in your new and constantly changing body is difficult. If you’re feeling uncomfortable or like.a stranger to your body right now, that is okay! This is a normal part of the transition into motherhood.
#4 The Way You Feed Your Baby
This is another area that seasoned parents like to talk about - and with enthusiasm that mirrors feelings about baby sleep. I want to set the record straight: the way you are feeding your baby is what is best for your family. What bothers me most about this kind of discussion is that it often assumes that the mother is making a choice about the way she wants to feed. In reality, many mothers are not following the feeding plan that was imagined during pregnancy. This can be because of the physical health needs of your baby, the mom’s physical or mental health needs, the type of support the mother has access to, employment, and even childcare choices. Its complex, and judgmental feedback often ignores that complexity.
#5 The Childcare Decisions You Make
I was taken aback by the judgmental feedback I recieved in this area; I just wasn’t expecting it. The feedback in this area bothers me because it often shames the mother for choosing the best childcare option she can. It also assumes that mothers have infinite choices, but the reality is that there are often only a few options that work with your family’s routines, needs, and finances. On top of this, most mothers feel guilty for utilizing childcare, especially at first. This guilt often gets better with time and with the perspective that the childcare option you are using is meeting your child’s needs.
#6 How You Spend and Prioritize Alone Time
.Each mother is completely unique in her need for time away from her child. As a new mom, I experienced significant anxiety that was soothed by being with my child and tending to his needs myself. I did not want to be away from him often or regularly. Yet whenever I felt tired or overwhelmed, the advice given was to “just take a break” and I felt blamed for not prioritizing my own needs. It didn’t help. On the other end of the spectrum, I know mothers who are judged for taking regular and prolonged time away from their kids. The truth is that only you know when you need & want a break, and it is your responsibility to honor those feelings.
#7 When Your Baby Meets Milestones
.I was not particularly worried about my baby’s milestones; I assumed that he would meet them when he was ready. But I soon found that other people had a lot of opinions about when my child needed to meet his milestones + significant misinformation about the timing of healthy development. Their wrong information often led to me feeling pretty stressed and overwhelmed about my son & my role in his growth. The only person who needs to comment on your child’s milestones is your pediatrician (or another expert in milestone development).
Why This Kind of Judgment Hurts New Moms
I believe the judgment we receive as new mothers comes from a combination of social pressure and our own expectations as new moms. Society has a lot to say about the ‘best’ way to parent, and as new moms, we want to live up to those standards. It’s not all about our own self-image, it’s also about our child. We want to be the best mother we can be; it’s important. So when someone says that we are doing something incorrectly or implies that we are harming our child, it hurts. And it’s this is a problem - that moms are hurt - that is more problematic than the judgment itself. It’s the way moms internalize the negative views of others and feel that they have to change the way they are parenting to avoid future judgment.
As a therapist for moms, I see the way judgment hurts moms every single day. While each mom is unique, these judgments often manifest as guilt, perfectionism, and/or anxiety. If you’re notice that these kinds of responses are showing up for you, I get it. I internalized the judgment in the exact same way when I was a new mom. Things can get better with time & the right kind of support.
Simple Ways to Start Letting Go of the Judgment
I am giving you full permission to stop defending your parenting choices.
You don’t need to convince anyone other than yourself & your partner that your parenting choices are best for your family. The more helpful option is to choose to let the judgment go.
Learning to let go of the judgment is an important skill that will benefit you forever & ever. Because (spoiler alert!) the BS judgments you’re getting now don’t stop when you become a seasoned parent. They continue at every stage and phase of motherhood. So the sooner you learn to deal with the judgment in a way that protects your intuition, peace, and integrity as a mother, the better. It means less hurt for you.
The first thing I encourage you to do is work towards cultivating self-compassion.As a new mom, you may not be able to deal with the negative perspectives in a graceful way. This makes sense; after all, you aren’t sleeping enough, your’e recovering from pregnancy and birth, your entire way of living has changed, and you are learning as you go. It’s a tough phase of life, even as it brings incredible joy. So give yourself a little bit of a break if you feel like the judgment feels harder and heavier than normal.
Next, give yourself permission to focus on the joys you’re experiencing. Compliment yourself on the things you’re doing well and on the small successes you face each day. Choose to remain focused on the positive moments so you can build your confidence as a new mom. And surround yourself with supportive people who will help you with that goal.
And finally, it’s okay to curate your audience right now. If you find that a certain individuals are harmful to your mental health, it’s okay to take some space away from them as you figure new motherhood out. You can see them again in the future when you’re feeling better equipped to cope.
Start Healing with Nurturing the Sisterhood: Postpartum Therapy for Seattle and Bellevue Moms
If you’re feeling judged as a new mom, I want you to know that you’re in good company. This is one of the most stressful experiences that I support women with in therapy. So many moms struggle with this kind of judgment, even if they aren’t openly talking about it. You deserve support, and women who access support often feel better quickly.
If you’re in the Greater Seattle area, Bellevue, or Kitsap County and looking for a therapist who truly understands what you’re going through as a new mom, I’d love to connect. I provide online therapy for moms across Washington State, including Bainbridge Island, Seattle, Bellevue, and surrounding areas.
Get in touch to schedule your free intro call and learn more about postpartum therapy with me. I’m here when you’re ready.
MATERNAL MENTAL HEALTH MATTERSHi, I’m Dr. Julie
Dr. Julie is a Seattle and Kitsap-based licensed perinatal and maternal mental health therapist specializing in postpartum anxiety therapy and the transition into motherhood. She deeply believes that every mother deserves support, because no one was meant to go through motherhood alone. At her practice, Nurturing the Sisterhood, she creates a safe, compassionate space where women feel truly seen, heard, and supported. She proudly supports women throughout the greater Seattle area, the Kitsap Peninsula, and across Washington State.
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