Motherhood Isn’t What You Expected - And That’s Okay.
Takeaway: Motherhood is often described as pure joy - the best thing you’ll ever do. But for most women I’ve met (and many I haven’t), it’s not that simple. The truth is, becoming a mom can be overwhelming, exhausting, and full of unexpected struggles.
Yes, motherhood is joyful. Fulfilling. Wonderful. The best thing ever.
And at the same time, becoming a mom often described as “the hardest thing I’ve ever done”. So much so that women in the thick of it often feel all the outs: stressed out, burned out, maxed, out, touched out, and exhausted. And that’s just the beginning.
The question is, do you feel like you can talk openly about the difficult moments you experience? Anywhere? With anyone? For many women, the answer is a resounding “no,” or at least a “not honestly”. The silence leaves many moms unprepared for the demands ahead and prevents women from seeking supports like therapy when the transition into motherhood feels harder than expected.
Why New Moms Feel Overwhelmed and Unprepared for Motherhood Challenges
It often takes becoming pregnant and having a baby to learn that the stories you’ve always been told about becoming a mother left out important messages about the physical, emotional, and relationship challenges that come with it. Instead, you heard about the highlights from past generations; the very best emotions, experiences, and memories.
The Myth of the “Good Mother” and How it Harms Maternal Mental Health
I’ll do my best to describe the trope of a “good mother” - though I”m sure you know it well. First, let me say she’s impossible to live up to; she’s simply not human. And you should never try to be her.
Here’s the trope: A “good mother” gets pregnant easily, enjoys her pregnancy, and looks beautiful the whole time. When the baby arrives, she somehow does it all without asking for help, sacrifices her wellbeing without it showing, and makes it look easy. The mainstream parenting advice works perfectly for her - from sleep to breastfeeding to discipline. She carries the mental load at home, supports her partner, works outside the home, and never complains. She enjoys every moment, and if she struggles, it’s invisible.
As a therapist for moms - and a mom myself - I have never met anyone who lives up to this myth. But I’ve seen more women than I can count try without success, ending up in my office with a burning question: “why didn’t anyone tell me?”.
Why Many Moms Struggle in Silence with Postpartum Anxiety and Mom Burnout
They fear being judged for not meeting impossible expectations. One experience of mom-shaming can shut down honesty forever.
They’re unsure if what they’re feeling is normal because no one talks about it. They don’t want to be the “bad mom” who has all the “abnormal” problems.
They’re embarrassed for believing the idealized story. They love their child more than themselves, but sometimes wonder if they would have chosen differently had they known how hard it would be .
Society doesn’t create space for women to share their stories and have them honored. As a result, many never fully process their traumas, complex feelings, or the struggles they face (even years later). Talking about it can feel like too much emotional energy.
If you feel like you missed out on the real story about pregnancy and postpartum, you’re not alone. And without honest conversations, we stay unprepared + isolated from the community of moms willing to talk about the hard moments.
Finding Community: Why Connection Matters for Maternal Mental Health
Many women find strength and confidence in community. If you’re looking for ways to connect with other moms who understand the ups and downs of motherhood, check out my post Finding Community As a New Mom: Building Support When Motherhood Feels Hard. It’s full of ideas for finding support that fits your needs and schedule.
How Therapy Can Support Moms Struggling with Motherhood Challenges
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious or like you need more support you navigate motherhood, you’re not alone and you don’t need to go it alone. Therapy is a safe place to talk openly about the parts of motherhood that aren’t openly discussed or acknowledged.
At Nurturing the Sisterhood, I specialize in supporting Washington State moms through infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond. If you’re ready to talk or want to learn more about how therapy can support your unique motherhood journey, please click here to schedule your free consultation call. All moms need and deserve support, including you. I look forward to hearing from you.
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